Jokes

Y’know how you hear that joke, think it’s freakin hilarious, and then completely forget it?
Well, that’s coming to a stop.
Any worthy jokes to add, email me on dan@danielofthelions.com.
I might even publish your name as a credit.
Some of these jokes are kinda sick, but then what can you do?

q.  What's the difference between an elephant and a letterbox ?
a.  You don't know?, I wouldn't send you to post a letter. 		credit: Albert Van Leeuwen
q.  What's the last thing goes through a fly's mind as he hits your windscreen ?
a.  His asse 		credit: Nathan Hosking
q.  What do you call a fly with no wings ?
a.  A walk 		credit: Alan Sphere
q.  What do you call a fly with no wings and no feet ?
a.  A raisin 		credit: Nathan Hosking
q.  What do you call a bear with no ears ?
a.  "B" 		credit: Alan Sphere
q.  What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
a.  No eye deer 		credit: Alan Sphere
q.  How many vietnam vets does it take to change a light globe ?
a.  You don't know cause you weren't there man 		credit: Alan Sphere
q.  What’s the difference between a politician and a catfish ?
a.  One is a scum sucking mud dwelling parasite - and the other is a fish. 		credit: Preston Manning
q.  Did you hear that the inventor of throat lozenges died today ?
a.  Yes, there'll be no coffin at the funeral. 		credit: David Peters
q.  Why did Lucy fall off the swing ?
a.  Because Lucy is a dolphin. 		credit: Tim Farrell
q.  What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic ?
a.  Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether or not there really is a Dog. 		credit: Matthew Gilbert
q.  How many Christians does it take to change a light globe ?
a.  Three. One to turn the globe and two to hold back the powers of darkness. 		credit: Alison Amos
q.  What’s the difference between Kylie Minogue and a german shepherd ?
a.  The lipstick. 		credit: True Romance magazine
q.  How do you make a cat go woof ?
a.  Pour petrol on it and then a match... Whoof ! 		credit: Some guy preaching at church
q.  How do you make a dog go meow ?
a.  Put it in the freezer and then pull out the chainsaw... Meeeow ! 		credit: Some guy preaching at church
q.  Why didn’t the cat drink it’s milk ?
a.  Cause it’s head was nailed to the floor. 		credit: Andrew Logan
q.  How do you know Adam and Eve weren’t Aboriginal ?
a.  They wouldn’t have eaten the apple, they would have eaten the snake. 		credit: Some kid at my school
q.  What happens when you listen to a blues record backwards ?
a.  You get your job, your house, and your wife back. 		credit: Alan Sphere
q.  Where do you go if you want to weigh a pie ?
a.  Somewhere over the rainbow. 		credit: Les Anderson
q.  What do you get if you cross a freight train with a family station wagon ?
a.  Great shards of ripped metal. 		credit: Daniel Van Leeuwen
q.  What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic ?
a.  About half way. 		credit: Ben Van Leeuwen
q.  What’s with the black box on planes ?
a.  It’s the only thing that survives the crash.
     They should make the whole plane out of it ! 		credit: Jerry Seinfeld