Jokes

Y’know how you hear that joke, think it’s freakin hilarious, and then completely forget it?
Well, that’s coming to a stop.
Any worthy jokes to add, email me on dan@danielofthelions.com.
I might even publish your name as a credit.
Some of these jokes are kinda sick, but then what can you do?

q.  What's the difference between an elephant and a letterbox ?
a.  You don't know?, I wouldn't send you to post a letter.
credit: Albert Van Leeuwen
q.  Did you hear that the inventor of throat lozenges died today ?
a.  Yes, there'll be no coffin at the funeral.
credit: David Peters
q.  Why did Lucy fall off the swing ?
a.  Because Lucy is a dolphin.
credit: Tim Farrell
q.  What do you get when you cross an insomniac with an agnostic and a dyslexic ?
a.  Someone who lies awake at night wondering whether or not there really is a Dog.
credit: Matthew Gilbert
q.  How many Christians does it take to change a light globe ?
a.  Three. One to turn the globe and two to hold back the powers of darkness.
credit: Alison Amos
q.  What’s the difference between Kylie Minogue and a german shepherd ?
a.  The lipstick.
credit: True Romance magazine
q.  How do you make a cat go woof ?
a.  Pour petrol on it and then a match... Whoof !
credit: Some guy preaching at church
q.  How do you make a dog go meow ?
a.  Put it in the freezer and then pull out the chainsaw... Meeeow !
credit: Some guy preaching at church
q.  Why didn’t the cat drink it’s milk ?
a.  Cause it’s head was nailed to the floor.
credit: Andrew Logan
q.  How do you know Adam and Eve weren’t Aboriginal ?
a.  They wouldn’t have eaten the apple, they would have eaten the snake.
credit: Some kid at my school
q.  What happens when you listen to a blues record backwards ?
a.  You get your job, your house, and your wife back.
credit: Alan Sphere
q.  Where do you go if you want to weigh a pie ?
a.  Somewhere over the rainbow.
credit: Les Anderson
q.  What do you get if you cross a freight train with a family station wagon ?
a.  Great shards of ripped metal.
credit: Daniel Van Leeuwen
q.  What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic ?
a.  About half way.
credit: Ben Van Leeuwen
q.  What’s with the black box on planes ?
a.  It’s the only thing that survives the crash.
     They should make the whole plane out of it !
credit: Jerry Seinfeld